Posted by: drrozkaplan | May 10, 2010

An Average Day

     This is an average day.  You don’t want to talk about a bad one.  You don’t really want to get up and shower but you do.  You have developed aches and pains.  The ones you thought all that exercise was supposed to stave off, but it hasn’t.  Maybe it’s making the discomfort worse.  It doesn’t seem to be keeping body parts from sagging, either.  Maybe you should be lifting more weights or something.  No, that seems wrong.  It would cause more pain.  Maybe you need…oh, fuck, who knows….you should know with all your supposed education, but you don’t.  Maybe because there is no antidote to this.  Except clothing.  Clothing at least covers up what you don’t want to see.  You get dressed quickly.

     You peer at your face in the mirror.  A little blotchy, some dark circles.  Ignore the wrinkles.  Some of your friends are getting laser and Botox and Restylane.  You will not do this.  It seems extreme and crazy to you.  You have certain rules.  No needles, no surgery, nothing permanent.  But makeup and nail polish and hair dye are fine.

     Hair dye.  Ugh.  Your hair has gotten to be a chore.  What color was your hair when you were a young woman, anyway?  You can’t remember.  Your husband can’t remember.  Of course he wouldn’t.  He may never have really noticed in the first place.  You really don’t know anyone else anymore who would know or care.  So now you maintain roots.  You are willing to do this – why?  You just are; it’s in your rules.

     You smooth on maisturizer and moisturizing makeup.  Moisturizing.  Your skin sucks up all that moisture.  You remember when itall had to be ‘matte’ and ‘oil free’ because your skin broke out.  But now this is what your daughter buys.  She buys this, but borrows your favorite black eye pensil and doesn’t return it.  Eye pencils don’t come as ‘moisturizing’ or ‘oil free’.  Of course you have to apply blush and mascara and lipstick to finish the disguise.   No, not disguise.  Just the little deception.  The silly and ineffective  deception that you would have the blush of youth and that your eyelashes would be long and lush.

     You know it’s all silly, yet every morning you play along, whether you want to or not.  In fact, you really haven’t thought about whether you want to.  You just do it.  It’s in your rules.

     After all this, your daughter will flounce into the room with her real pink cheeks and long eyelashes and you will notice that what you are doing really has nothing to do with trying to  look like her.  Which will leave you wondering what you really are trying to do, exactly.  Would the advertisement for your makeup say something like “you, only better” or “instantly takes 2 1/2 years off”??  Never mind that.  You will be late.

     You herd your daughter into the car and leave her at the bus stop.  Then you begin the drive to work during which you will listen to age inappropriate music on your IPod or the radio, and worry about everything.  You refuse to listen to the news or classical stations or even jazz.  It has to be rock music, a little alternative, a little loud.  This is the music you prefer, like a teenager would.   But you worry like an old person.  You justify this:  you were always a worrier.  It’s just become more generalized now.  When you were young, you worried about schoolwork or boyfriends.  Now it’s about world events and your husband getting in a bike accident, and whether your daughter will get into college, and whether she’ll flunk her driver’s test again, and if she doesn’t whether she should because she might get in a car accident if she has her license.

     Maybe worrying is a good thing because it takes up the time during which you could be having road rage on the way to work.  But this is only an average day.  On a bad day, the worries could be more serious, and road rage might be a better alternative.  This is an average day.



  1. Dr. Kaplan… in your average day (not the bad ones), do you take stock in the good things? What I know of you comes from your posts… but honestly, you have so much good in your life that it’s hard to believe that on an average day, despite all of your complaints and worries, you don’t register the good. I’m not trying to invalidate your worries and concerns– certainly they are valid–and your worries and concerns are not for me to judge anyway. But, you have a husband to whom you’ve been married for 20 years, you have a son whose gotten into a good college, and are able to afford to send your daughter to a private school to address her learning needs. You have a successful medial practice that allows you to practice medicine in the comprehensive and caring manner that you want. Your first book is being published this fall. Do you think about these things on an average day too?

    • do you get the humor? this is supposed to be fun and satirical, not really all sad and boo-hoo.

  2. Now that you say it that way, I think the humor did actually go over my head– perhaps because I know many people who would write what you had written== and sadly, it wouldn’t have been out of levity and satire, but truly the way their worldview is– which is quite sad. Having re-read the post again after your comment, I could see the satire and humor.

    Perhaps I should be doing more sleeping and less blogging– then maybe I would have gotten it the first time!


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